My Debt Story
10 min read
I have been putting this post off for a LONG time. And when I say a long time, I mean well over 365 days.
Do you want to know the reason why I've been putting it off for such a long time?
Shame. Embarrassment. Self-doubt.
That's what comes with getting yourself into debt. It shouldn't. But it does.
My story is one that I'm sure someone can relate to. I wasn't here dropping thousands on designer handbags, although that would have probably been much more understandable and I would have made some decent money if I'd sold them off. It was the small purchases, the meaningless purchases, the purchases that I won't remember in ten years time that would end up doing me in.
So I'll take you back to the beginning. I was working in London. I was a graduate, earning a decent salary. And it was the first time that I'd ever had four figures slipping into my bank account each month. After 'slumming' it as a student I was being paid the equivalent of what I'd get for a term from my student loan in just one month. I got greedy. As the most junior person on the team, I was hanging around with people that earned more money than I did and I'm ashamed to say that I wanted to keep up.
It started with a small sum credit card when I moved into my flat. I put a few cushions, a few candles and a couple of bits onto the card. Manageable. Easy. Paid it off. This is great!
Then the following month it was easy to add a few extra things into my basket. And this was where the spiral started.
None of this was horrendous until I started to really dislike my job. In times of stress, panic and upset I turned to clothes for comfort. Retail therapy at its finest. When what I actually needed was a shrink.
At the time I was dabbling with Instagram and was totally convinced that I needed a new wardrobe to keep up, which was actually the case in 2016 - 2018/9, there wasn't much talk around sustainability like there is now and fast fashion was... fashionable. We were living in a throwaway society and it was simply the norm. I would have not be seen DEAD in an outfit that I'd worn earlier that week or even that month or that year.
The thing was, I'd kept this all a secret. A dirty one at that. I was binging, but not with food. Just like an alcoholic would. Just like a drug user would. I knew it was wrong. I knew I was in trouble but I didn't really know how to get out, so I'd just add more to the basket. After all, that new top made me feel better for all of 24 hours!
As my salary grew, so did my debt. Because I could afford to pay a big chunk off that month and then the cycle would re-start.
I got a new job, in a new company and I somehow thought this would fix my problems. It couldn't have been further from that!
The job role was created for me, which was incredible. But the problem with a brand new role is that the people around you don't know what to expect. There were days where I was left twiddling my thumbs awaiting direction. Which meant I turned to my safety blanket. Clothes. To make me feel better. This is where my debt managed to get out of hand and Buy Now Pay Later schemes were being introduced and promoted.
I didn't know the tornado of effects that shiny new 'BNPL' schemes would create. I fell into the trap of the Klarna's 'Try Before You Buy' tagline. The marketing was clever and it seemed like the perfect option for me at the time. As someone who absolutely hated trying on clothes in a changing room (the lighting - yuck!) I could now try on clothes in the comfort of my own home. The problem was, that once the clothes had entered my home, they tended to stay.
While the numbers being added to my Klarna account were only ever in the low hundreds, the 30 day pay cut off meant that I had to prioritise paying these off, rather than tackling my credit card debt. And then because the money was going on that, I'd have to use my credit card for everyday spending.
Then on my way to rock bottom I was made redundant in April 2019.
After countless interviews and rejections I decided to change course completely and go self-employed in a new career.
I received a letter from the debt-collector. It was something silly like £30 that I'd missed on my Klarna account. Not much money at all. However, it was awful to receive this. The shame I felt was nearly as embarrassing as when I threw up in front of a packed Pizza Hut at the age of seven!
This was when I had to change my outlook on money. I had to get it under control and it was time to tackle it.
I had to confess that I had quite a large amount of debt in tow to my boyfriend, who can I just say has been incredible. Initially he was angry and disappointed. So was I. I'd not only let me down, but I felt I'd let him down too and that broke me. I put our livelihood on the line and that wasn't ok.
While being made redundant was not my fault in the slightest, if I'd got some help for my mental health then the financial situation probably wouldn't have happened.
I threw myself into work and managed to bring in a bit of money and that's when I launched the 30 Ways To Wear Series on Instagram in late 2019. I wanted to show people like myself that you don't need to buy something brand new to create a new outfit. It was cathartic and people were engaging.
There's been a massive shift on social media over the past year and a half, it's not uncool to repeat outfits or to wear things more than once anymore and sustainability is slipping into conversations more and more. Which I'm super happy about!
While things are still a little tight at times (thank you Coronavirus) I have a budget planner, I check my money regularly rather than avoiding checking my accounts. Things are looking up but most importantly I'm in control again. My aim is to pay off the debt by the time I'm 30 in bitesize chunks, rather than wodge's.
Monzo has been a lifesaver! I've found it the easiest bank to breakdown my spending and make me feel in control.
I appreciate that I've been in a privileged position. I abused my already great life to try and build a perfect one. When actually everything that's great in life was already in front of me. Hind sight is a wonderful thing eh?!
I also understand that I share clothes and outfits as part of my job and that I'm luck to be sent PR products. I still love clothes it's a part of who I am and it always will be. My relationship with consumption is what's changed, not my love of fashion. I don't buy high fashion items anymore, I buy items that I know I can wear time and time again.
In my opinion, Buy Now Pay Later Schemes are far more dangerous than credit cards. With a credit card, you have a minimum payment to meet, which I've thankfully never missed. With BNPL schemes you have to pay off the full balance in one go (this has since changed from when it started). Their use of clever, modern marketing made it feel normal to get into debt, predominantly aiming at under 30s and women. Influencers were also being used to promote the service. Which ended up making debt kind of cool. I personally never felt like it was clear that this could affect my credit score. It just didn't feel like real money.
My story is not the worst of its kind, but it's still a story. If this sounds like you or you can relate to this, please speak to someone. It helps. I promise.
Sophie x
