Comparison. It really is the thief of joy.
We're one week into the new year. The new decade. And my start has been far from smooth. The tension is bubbling faster than a beef stew in an Argos pressure cooker. My anxiety is through the roof. And what is the main cause of this panic?
Comparison.
Instagram has been jam packed with productivity. 2020 planners. Notepads. Bullet Journals. And organisation.
And it's sent my brain into a tail spin.
I've seen people start YouTube channels. Book multiple holidays for the year. Followers sky rocketing. Inboxes bursting. Starting new jobs. Loving their jobs. Smashing their university grades. Finishing book number four in seven days. Being so busy that they don't even have time for a morning coffee. Achieving seven workouts in seven days.
As I sit here with an empty inbox. Recovering from a stomach bug. With a steady stream of followers. And plenty of time for not just one, but multiple coffees. I can't help feeling like a failure.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for sharing your successes and I'm a massive cheerleader of women achieving anything, big or small. You go girl. You're smashing it.
However, flicking through instastories of other people's successes and plans instantly brings to light the successes that I haven't yet achieved. And the plans that I: A. haven't made or B. have failed at. It makes me feel small and unsuccessful. And I know I'm not alone.
So is sharing your goals online the right thing to do?
I personally believe you should be quietly brilliant. Keep your goals to yourself or with the people closest to you. And busy yourself with hitting those targets. Celebrate when you reach them and pop that champagne! But that's just me.
On the whole. YES, you should share your goals online. It's inspiring to others. Your social media is your space and you have people choosing to join you for the ride. I also believe that sharing goals with the world helps someone stick to them better.
What needs to change is the pressure that goal setting brings. The pressure that we put upon ourselves to be great. The pressure we see from others to be great. The pressure that, that little voice in the back of our heads sings to us daily.
How can we beat it?
Firstly remember that only YOU are YOU. Comparing yourself with someone rips away any joy you feel for yourself. It makes you instantly forget what you've achieved already. You may have done a lot of things that other people haven't and that all instantly washes down the drain when someone seems to be in a better place than you. And at the end of the day, this all boils down to us being ambitious and that's great. It makes us hungry. But putting your own successes and self worth down because they're not the same as somebody else? Well that's just not cool.
Secondly, remember that what we see online is a small percentage of someone's life. It's generally a highlight reel. That person has made a choice to share that particular part of their day.
As a society we need to change this extreme competition. Battling to be the queen bee. We weren't born into battle. It's simply society telling us to keep up with the Jones'. Our paths are all different. We may ultimately all have the same overriding goal, but everyone's route to get there is distinctive to the individual. We don't know what's around the corner. So please try to enjoy your right now. There's good in everyday. You just need to find it.
Finally, nobody really knows what they're doing.
I've added some tips below that help me and have helped me in the past to stay on track with my own successes.
- Keep a note in your phone called '2020'. Write down every success or good thing that happens to you (large or small) into the note. Even if it's 'I finished X book'. You'll read back over your year and it will feel SO good.
- DO write out your goals. Then cut them down into steps on how you'll get there. For example a goal might be to 'learn a language' that's a pretty big deal and *spoiler alert* you probably can't achieve learning a WHOLE language in just one year. So break it down, you might start by saying. 'By the end of January I'd like to know 25 words in French'.
- Take some time out. If social media is stressing you out. Turn it off and pack it away. Set a timer for half an hour and do something that relaxes you. Whether that's taking a bath, colouring or reading. Take your brain some place else. Recharge and hit the reset button.
So there we have it. Comparison really is the thief of joy. Try to stop it.
Sophie x